Preschool pain. Ambition that creates heartache

Starting Preschool, Oh The Heartache!

It’s been rather quiet on my blog recently! There is a reason for this though. I know there are many incredible bloggers out there that manage to create fantastic posts even on a busy schedule but this last few weeks I’ve been busy with a few other things.

I’ve been setting up my own business! More about that in another post though. Today I begin to write this post with a heavy heart.

I’ve been off work now for 2 years and eagerly wanted to find myself again. Any parents of toddlers know all too well that trying to complete tasks with a toddler in the house is not a task for the faint hearted. With this in mind I put my son’s name down for preschool over a year ago so he could start when he turned 2.

He started last week. Now I have been through this before. My daughter went to nursery when she was 10 months old. So I knew how painful it was leaving her whilst she cried for me to stay. However I think nature has a way of making you put those feelings to the back of your mind. I know it’s only his second week and I know that if I was to give advice to a friend who was doing the same thing I would tell her, “he’ll get used to it”, “he’ll be running in there in no time” or “don’t feel bad, you’re doing this for all the right reasons”.

LeapFrog Melody The Musical Turtle
LeapFrog Melody The Musical Turtle

But it’s that moment when your crying child is being peeled off you so you can leave, suddenly all those well laid plans of being a confident, ambitious woman who his changing her career and taking on the world (…well maybe not the world but you see what I mean) all seem a little selfish. Mum guilt – you are ever present and today you rear your ugly head again.

I know, I know working parents and children going into childcare isn’t exactly uncommon but it’s not enough to reassure today. I left my child in a strange environment, with people he has only just met and left him there. His immature mind not yet able to comprehend why and understand that I will come to get him at the end of the day. I keep hearing the word ‘abandoned’ from my subconscious mind.

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But I am one of thousands of women who going back to their previous role after maternity leave just wasn’t feasible. I want to work. I want to contribute and I want to achieve. But it has to fit around my family and so I am going to make this work.

My son going to preschool not only marks a stage in him growing up but marks the start of having a little bit of time to make a change for me and my family. A positive change. I know this will all be worth it.

 

Mum Muddling Through

11 COMMENTS

  1. Hang in the mummy! You can do it!! It is hard to not feel mum-guilt, but you know what you’re doing is best for you and your family. Your little boy is going to love his new surrounding and thrive! #coolmumclub

  2. Yes you are and don’t doubt it for one minute! Also know he is not sitting there crying all day either. You have to do what is right for you and it’s normal to question it but it’s just about finding a new normal. I have totally been there and you do feel selfish and guilty and all of that is natural but try not to let it get the better of you. Excited to hear about the new business! Stay strong #coolmumclub mama xoxo

  3. Mum guilt is so profound. I used to be upset thinking they could never understand why I was ‘abandoning’ them. I turns out they knew more than I ever realised. My daughter even admitting she played me a bit, just because she was cross I was leaving her. At the time I’m pretty sure I lost hair over it! x

  4. I was very lucky (I think!) that neither of my children gave me a second look when they went off to nursery and preschool – they couldn’t wait to go! Imagine the shock I got, 2 months into starting reception, when my daughter started clinging to my legs screaming for me not to leave her! I had absolutely no idea what to do! #blogstravaganza

    • I do in general think the earlier they start the better they settle in but for us we just didn’t need the childcare so early with taking a career break, ironically due to the lack of childcare availability for the older one around school hours!

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