Starting Preschool, Oh The Heartache!
It’s been rather quiet on my blog recently! There is a reason for this though. I know there are many incredible bloggers out there that manage to create fantastic posts even on a busy schedule but this last few weeks I’ve been busy with a few other things.
I’ve been setting up my own business! More about that in another post though. Today I begin to write this post with a heavy heart.
I’ve been off work now for 2 years and eagerly wanted to find myself again. Any parents of toddlers know all too well that trying to complete tasks with a toddler in the house is not a task for the faint hearted. With this in mind I put my son’s name down for preschool over a year ago so he could start when he turned 2.
He started last week. Now I have been through this before. My daughter went to nursery when she was 10 months old. So I knew how painful it was leaving her whilst she cried for me to stay. However I think nature has a way of making you put those feelings to the back of your mind. I know it’s only his second week and I know that if I was to give advice to a friend who was doing the same thing I would tell her, “he’ll get used to it”, “he’ll be running in there in no time” or “don’t feel bad, you’re doing this for all the right reasons”.
But it’s that moment when your crying child is being peeled off you so you can leave, suddenly all those well laid plans of being a confident, ambitious woman who his changing her career and taking on the world (…well maybe not the world but you see what I mean) all seem a little selfish. Mum guilt – you are ever present and today you rear your ugly head again.
I know, I know working parents and children going into childcare isn’t exactly uncommon but it’s not enough to reassure today. I left my child in a strange environment, with people he has only just met and left him there. His immature mind not yet able to comprehend why and understand that I will come to get him at the end of the day. I keep hearing the word ‘abandoned’ from my subconscious mind.
But I am one of thousands of women who going back to their previous role after maternity leave just wasn’t feasible. I want to work. I want to contribute and I want to achieve. But it has to fit around my family and so I am going to make this work.
My son going to preschool not only marks a stage in him growing up but marks the start of having a little bit of time to make a change for me and my family. A positive change. I know this will all be worth it.