I really want a baby

Part 1: FROM BELLY TO BUMP

I’ve been wanting to write my account for a while now. I’m going back to 2012 but my memories are vivid! I didn’t realise how much I actually had to say. I thought about condensing it into one post but then realised what I had to say could potentially be important for others to read. So I split it up into 3 parts.

Part 1: From Belly to much wanted bump

Part 2: THE LABOUR

Part 3: The Birth of a New Chapter

So here goes…

When my partner and I had been together for a couple of years, we knew we wanted it all. You know, marriage, kids and a house. But which order should we do it in? At the age of 29 we came to the conclusion that by the time we had saved up for a wedding and/or a deposit for a house we would both be well into our 30’s. Now, I have nothing against becoming a mother in your late 30’s or early 40’s but, the thought of not being able to have children terrified me. If there was to be a problem conceiving I wanted to have the years to hopefully overcome that. We’re not particularly religious so the whole kids before marriage thing didn’t bother us. Not to mention the undeniable longing I had to be a mum. Hence, we both decided that starting a family was more important to us than a wedding ceremony.

It took us 6 months to conceive. I still remember the day we had a positive test. I had a funny feeling that this was the month. I didn’t want to get my hopes up but still I felt excited. It appeared. That little ‘+’ that carries with it so much emotion. I walked into the kitchen to show my boyfriend and we both froze, no words, just a big smile and disbelief. We were over the moon.

Being a midwife I knew all to well that getting pregnant is just the start, I couldn’t get too excited. What if I miscarried, what if there was something wrong with the baby, what if there was something wrong with me? I had to remind myself that most people go on to have an uneventful, successful pregnancies. I’ll be ok once I get to 12 weeks I told myself (rates of miscarriage drop dramatically at this point). Nope, as I then became worried about the scan. I’ll be ok once I know the 20 week scan is ok I thought, but even after having a reassuring scan I still worried. I’ll be ok once we reach 28 weeks (most babies born after 28 weeks generally have a good chance at surviving with minimal morbidity). But of course I still worried. I told myself we’d be ok once 36 weeks arrived (this is generally regarded as being out of the danger zone). But still I worried. What if something happened in labour? My oh my what a long 9 months!

Thankfully, my pregnancy was uneventful albeit I went in twice with reduced movements. Luckily all was ok.

I loved my growing bump. It was just how I imagined. The most magical point for me was feeling those little wriggles. It’s amazing that we can actually grow a human being inside our bodies. I did however find it strange how people began to stroke my bump though.

My favourite bump picture
My favourite bump picture

I definitely think that the second trimester was the best. The first I just felt fat and frumpy. Clothes began to get a little too snug and uncomfortable. I was irritable. I felt tired all the time. I know its normal but I couldn’t feel movements and I didn’t look pregnant. The third trimester, well I was just one huge waddling mass. I felt like a walrus. I got so fed up and achy. Sleep became impossible with my aching hips and I just wanted to meet her. The second trimester is when I had that ‘glow’ everyone talks about. I felt wonderful, excited and blooming.

Having been a midwife for 6 years at that point, I had been at my fair share of births. From the simple and beautiful to the very traumatic and sometimes beautiful but sometimes with not such a happy ending. What would my labour and birth be like? I tried not to have too many hopes of having a completely uncomplicated experience. But secretly I tried to really believe that I could.

One cold April day I would finally experience what so many women I had cared for had. What did mother nature have in store for me?

Read Part 2: The Labour!

Mummuddlingthrough
Cuddle Fairy
My Petit Canard
Diary of An Imperfect Mum

10 COMMENTS

  1. Ah, it’s nice to meet you and perfectly placed with the start of your motherhood journey! I can’t wait to read on!
    Thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub

    • Thank you for reading, hoping to get the next part out this week! Amongst online shopping for christmas and getting the car in the garage! Good job I love blogging x

    • Thank you Carol, it was a bit surreal. You’re aware of all that could happen but haven’t got a clue what will happen to you! x

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